"Starting over can be challenging, but also it can be a great opportunity to do things differently."
- Catherine Pulsifer -
(continuing from last time... )
The single mom years. My gosh how I enjoyed them. Sure they were difficult and exhausting and even lonely at times, but they were also a period of tremendous growth. The terrific counseling sessions with ‘D’ gave me clarity and healing. The books she recommended and some of the ones I discovered on my own gave me understanding. The spiritual journey I embarked upon gave me self-discovery and inner peace. The amazing people I met along the way, some of them single moms with their own inspirational and heartbreaking stories, gave me hope. And my own fierce determination to be happy gave me the ability to move forward.
It would take time, a long time, to shed all the intricate layers of emotional trauma and disassociate from my past. But that journey had to start somewhere. For me, it began during those single mom years. And even though the wounds were still raw and the sordid memories were still vivid, I pushed ahead. One day at a time. I had regained control of my life and discovered an inner strength and resilience that had been buried deep inside me. I had a vision of the type of person I would like to become and the type of future I would like to have.
|“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the|
happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.”
- Andy Rooney -
Was any of it easy? Absolutely not. There is nothing easy about coming out of the fog and learning to fly again with broken wings. There is nothing easy about accepting what has happened and trying to reassemble the pieces of your broken life. There is nothing easy about rebuilding your self-esteem that has been shattered. There is nothing easy about getting your abuser’s voice out of your head and reminding yourself that you were the victim. That you deserve better. That you are worthy of respect and kindness and love. There is nothing easy about getting back up on those days when your legs give out beneath you. Because you’re exhausted and disillusioned. There is nothing easy about trying to remain optimistic about the future when you are feeling numb and dispirited in the present. And most of all, there is nothing easy about learning to trust again. Because everyone after that becomes suspect.
At the start of this journey of healing and growth and new beginnings, I was sure that I would never – could never – have faith in anyone again. I put on protective armour after I was free from my ex and built a fortress around my heart to protect it. I swore up and down that I would never EVER marry again or be in a committed relationship. And for a long while I had absolutely no interest in meeting someone new. But the eternal optimist in me could not be ignored and the hopeless romantic that I am, the one who believes in soul mates, could not be denied, and I began to be curious...even if only slightly...about what was out there. Who was out there. And eventually - with apprehension and caution - I reached out to the world. And began to date.
To be continued... (click here)